Taking Her Place

I'm sitting where another woman should.  And her absence makes me ache.

I see her shadow in the curve of his nose.  I hear her voice in the melody of his laughter.  Sweet Judah.

I wonder where she is right now, and if the emptiness in her arms is heavier than any other burden she might carry. My lap and my arms are full -- of wriggling baby, fresh life.  But for her, the stillness and silence must be unbearable.

It is a Father's redemption that brought him here, in response to the world's dark brokenness that tore him away.

There are 140 million orphans in the world today.  And behind that number are 140 million mothers.  140 women just like me.  I do not judge her.

I mourn for her; weep for her.  A mother's heart does not recover when she leaves part of it at an orphanage's gate, tightly bundled with a birthday note pinned to the front.

She is not the villain in this tragedy, but a victim in need of healing and hope.

My heart aches and words don't describe the sadness I feel.  I shouldn't be the one feeding him.  I shouldn't be the one learning how to make him smile.  I shouldn't be taking her place.  I can only cry out to Jesus, trusting that He can heal all of this brokenness.   

Father, be near to her I pray.

Scarlet Threads

We've had a busy launch week at Scarlet Threads.

First of all, you, my bloggy friends, are primarily the ONLY place we launched this, and you responded strong!  We sold a whole lot of aprons in our first week.  (At least, what I consider to be a whole lot, considering our marketing efforts were at a bare minimum.) 

And, we now have a "button" you can put on your blog, to help us with marketing.  See it there, over to the right?  Some of you have already mentioned our products on your blog (thank you!), but if you haven't, and you want to, we certainly won't complain.  :) 

We're still keeping things sort of small right now, just because we don't want a flood of orders that we can't possibly fill before Christmas.  But we haven't yet reached that limit, so if you want to buy a Christmas present with a unique heart, click on over.

Also, some of you have already submitted ideas for future products--like handmade dolls, table runners, child-sized aprons, potholders, etc., but if you have another brilliant idea, I'd love to hear about it!

Be Still My Heart

Lately, my favorite activity is to sneak over to the foster home for a few minutes every morning and every afternoon and snuggle with this sweetheart.  Cora has the greatest belly laugh.  And she loves to play peek-a-boo.  And she mimicks anything -- including clicking her tongue, waving bye-bye,  kissing, and blowing her cheeks up as big as she can.  I think she's sort of a thrill-seeker, because she loves anything that involves bouncing or tossing her in the air.  She seems to like that sinking feeling in her stomach.  I see roller coasters in her future.

Really, I'd be happy to spend a whole day just with her instead of doing any office work.  And if I weren't getting over a lingering cold, I'd be over there right now instead of staring at her cute little face in a picture.

Officially, she's a year old, but we think she might be a bit older since she has a mouthful of teeth.  She weighs about 15 pounds, so she's a petite little gal.  She needs heart surgery, but she's constantly fighting congestion in her lungs.  They won't do her surgery until her lungs are clear, but it's hard to get her lungs clear with a bad heart.  A vicious cycle... 

I know at least one of my blog friends is also partial to this doll, so I just thought I'd share this beautiful picture with you all.  I didn't take it, but I certainly don't mind looking at it!  :)

Controlling the Weather

Picture: Telegraph

Thanks to the government, Beijing had its first snow last Sunday.  We're supposed to get some more this week.  It was unseasonably early -- and a beautiful snow for a normally dry capital -- but the timing was a bit poor, IMHO, as the heat wasn't on.

One of the unusual things about living in China is that the heat in our homes (via radiators) is turned on and off according to an official calendar.  November 15th it comes on; March 15th it goes off.  This year, due to winter's early arrival, they started the heat a bit earlier (yesterday).  But it still hasn't warmed up yet, and the nights are dipping below freezing.

I'm not a fan of winter.  But, I have my eye set on February, and I think I can power through the next few months.  This is the only time of the year I really miss a car, as those 15 minute walks to work are brutal in sub-zero temps.  I really don't do winter well.

Woe is me.

Big Reveal

So I've been hinting at a new project that we've been working on for a few weeks.

Well, we're ready to reveal it!  It is still a work in progress, so this is our "soft opening."  (Sort of our testing ground and experimental period.)  If it goes well, we'll have a "grand opening" in a few weeks.

We want and need to stay small for at least a few weeks, until we work out some manufacturing details, so oddly enough, right now we don't want you to help us spread the word too much.  Don't worry, we'll shamelessly ask you to do that when we have the grand opening!

But as our friends and blog followers, you can be the first ones to explore our new little venture... Scarlet Threads.  We are open and ready for business!  (Hope you'll consider us for a source for some Christmas presents!)

The Only Thing

It's now the first of November.  I may be a day late, but I wanted to share one more lesson learned from our time in China these last two years.

Love is everything.

It's the only thing.

Nothing else matters.

Love is a sacrifice... a pouring out of oneself, and we can only pour out when we have been filled up.  In these 2 years, as I have begun to more deeply understand my own shortcomings and failures, I have needed to drink more deeply of His mercy and His grace.  It was either drink or wither... and for a while, my pride took over and I chose withering over accepting the offered cup.  But grace won, and I find that in drinking that cup, I am filled with more than I can fathom.

I am filled with His love.  And when I choose to let that spill out of me, transformation occurs not only in my own heart, but in those who taste His love for the first time.  I am transformed because I look a little more like the One I follow each and every time I choose patience over impatience, mercy over fairness, forgiveness over begrudging, forbearance over anger, love over hate.  And for those who taste it for the first time, it is Good News.

Not being able to speak the local language at first left me frustrated.  How could I share the Good News, if I couldn't even ask for a glass of water?  Within a few months of our arrival, we went to a busy market in our village, and I came across a woman in quite a dilemma.  She had purchased a large amount of tomatoes, and on her way home, her bag broke, spilling her tomatoes across the pathway.  She'd gathered them up, sparing them a trampling from people hurrying between market and home, but then she was stuck.  She couldn't go and ask a vendor for a bag, because she would leave her tomatoes unattended -- open to stomping or to stealing.  But, she couldn't get them home without a bag.  And so she sat there, waiting, perhaps, for me.

I almost walked past.  The busy markets do not bring out the best in me.  Pushing, shoving, spitting.  The squawk of chickens as they are slaughtered and the smell of pungent local delicacies.  It's an interesting cultural experience for newcomers, but it's intrigue had all but worn off for me.  I think I did walk past.  But the Spirit whispered quietly, and I finally caved, turning around and seeking out a friendly vendor.  I posed a simple question in my halting Chinese.  "Can I have 2 big bags?"  Confused, the vendor blankly stared at me for a moment, and I asked again, motioning this time towards the pile of thin plastic bags.  "I'll give you money."  The vendor handed me two bags and accepted the handful of change.

I picked my way through the crowd and found the woman, still crouched over her week's vegetables.  Not knowing what to say in Chinese, I simply thrust the bags in front of her face.  Her head shot up with a question in her eyes.  When she saw my foreign face, the strangest smile spread across her lips, and she cocked her head to one side with even more questions in her eyes.  Unable to say anything, I simply helped load her tomatoes into the new bags, and we both stood up to go on our way.  She thanked me profusely and  walked away, looking over her shoulder once down the road with the smile still on her lips.

For a few moments, I regretted yet again my inability to express anything beyond my own most basic needs in this language.  But then a still, small voice whispered peace to my heart... "You showed her love.  That is all that I need."

In countless other ways, we've learned that this message of love -- taught not through our words, but through our actions -- communicates the gospel more loudly then we could possibly imagine.  A woman works in our home once a week, and she once told a friend of mine that she had never been treated more kindly or fairly by anyone before.  After saying that she wondered why for a while, she motioned to a hanging on our wall, proclaiming in simple Chinese script the words God is love.  "I think it's because they are Christians," she said.

It is the gospel - shared in kind words, patience, a smile, fairness, integrity.  China has taught me that it is the only message I need to share.  Words aren't required to communicate it, and when it is experienced, it opens doors to answer questions about its source.

Again, this is a work in progress for me.  The last thing we see when we leave our apartment each morning is a gentle reminder on our wall by the front door, made by my friend Valerie, that says "They will know us by our love."  Many times, I feel hurried and as if I have more pressing and important things to do than to take time to selflessly love my neighbors.  But, when I don't, I feel the gentle conviction of the One who never refuses to love me, and I find that I am starting to choose the way of love more naturally and more often.  I may never know all the effects of scattering love, but I trust that what He sends out doesn't return empty.

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.  1 Corinthians 13:1-4

The Real World

Click on the picture of the drying persimmons to see lots more pictures from our trip.  When I visit places like this, what I find most fasicinating is the way that normal people live... and I'm always struck by how intensely hard they labor... everything is done by hand -- from mending nets to threshing rice to catching fish to carrying building materials up a mountainside.

Friends, this is the real world... most of the world's population lives much closer to this kind of lifestyle than the kind you and I enjoy.  We should pause and be thankful for what we've been given.

And then we should try to remember that to whom much is given, much is expected.